How many years before we practice what we preach
How many tears before we truly clinch the peak
Only to find that there is no honey on the moon

~Manuva Roots

The difficulty with being a creator of anything comes from maintaining the discipline to continue to create. This has, perhaps, been my biggest failure. Over and over I have said I will do something only to have it end up on the back burner, which is a result that I blame on exterior sources, but in truth, I know I am the only one to blame. I am the one that makes the decisions that I make. I am the one that doesn’t work as hard as I know I should. I am the one that finds excuses to absolve myself of responsibility.

And yet…

I continue to fail myself, and those around me. A vicious cycle creeps into my life where I realize my own failures, yet I am unsure as to how to change them, and because I fear chastisement from my friends and family or peers I do not reach out for help. Instead I search for a means to forget my failures, to postpone my self-loathing, to allow myself to not succeed.

So, here I am at it again, trying to build discipline within myself in hopes of—of what?

Of strengthening myself, of refining my skills, of leaving my tiny mark, of connecting with someone unknown to me, of inspiring another, of allowing myself to be inspired by another, of building a future for myself, for my wife, for my daughter.



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